Dr. Result's and thinking.

Ever since the day you left I have only imagined what it would be like to see you again. I never really thought what it would take to make sure I get to that day first. After you left I won't lie my weight shot up and I really didn't take care of myself. I ate whatever  I wanted when I wanted it, Stayed up all hours of the day and night going days without sleep, and failed to take most of my meds when I should have been taking them all along. This year in January I vowed I was going to take better care of me. I have had appointments with my Primary Dr. and A cardiologist. Thankful that my Dr. appointment with my Cardiologist went better than my appointment with my Primary. With all the health issues I do have I was lucky I have not done to much irreversible damage to my heart at this point. As the Dr. said I look like a patient who has had high blood pressure since the age of 18. My Primary Dr on the other hand is working to get my Blood pressure stable and it just does not seem to be working. This week he took the total number of meds for just my blood pressure up to 3. Told me that I was the perfect candidate for lap band surgery and I should consider it. All because I asked him about seeing a diet Dr. to help with the weight. I can't do any of that until my blood pressure is under control. What did I do to myself? How did I let it get so bad? Where did I go wrong? These are all questions that I have for myself and I could just kick myself in the ass for not taking better care of myself. You have been my driving force along with your sisters. I want to live long enough to see you all again. I want to be healthy, vibrant and active. I want to have a life. A life outside of these 4 walls of this house. I know what I have to do and I am prepared to do it. no matter what. Thank you for being the driving force I need.