For the first time.

For the first time since right after you left I had the pleasure of holding a little baby. The last time I did this was when a friend of mine had a little girl and it was very difficult. About 3 months after you left. Tonight it was glorious. He was 3 days old and so precious and new. I look at little ones like him and think that anything is possible. Nothing is impossible when you look at a new life and their beautiful little faces. They will some day conquer the world one step at a time. It is no secret that this weekend I encountered some very interesting people in my outings. Parents who did not care what their kids were doing or where they were doing it at and causing safety issues and then parents who were a little over bearing and I think lost sight at how precious children really are and how much they take for granted that they just think that they are just always going to be there. Children can be gone in the blink of an eye just like a parent can be. Cherish them. Let them live a little. So many things I would do different now than what I did before. I was a harsh parent I won't deny that. I am one of those people that they would look at and not understand some of the things I did or said when it came to my children. I really don't want to be that person anymore. I want to be the one that cherishes every single moment she has with her kids no matter when those moments are. I want to be the one that lives a little and lets my children do the same.  I want to be the one that can still be the parent but give them a little bit if space to be the child as well. Maybe one day I will get that opportunity. Just a random thought.

Some of my favorites

The past week or so has been the time I have found some of the favorite things that you use to have when you were here. Both things I managed to find without much effort really. I never thought I would replace them let alone find them. When you left there were two things that were left at your baby sitters house and I was upset about them later down the line. One was one of your favorite Minnie Mouse dolls. You would take that thing with you everywhere. I was able to find it online as I stated above without much effort. The second I stumbled upon today at Ross when I was roaming around there. I was shocked and actually got a little choked up at the site of it. It took me back to watching you dance around M's kitchen saying bubbles bubbles. That machine would make you so happy. I had to get it. Somewhere I have the video of you dancing around that kitchen having the time of your life. You were all about bubbles. So carefree. Remembering it all really brought back the memories flooding back today. A tear in my eye and a smile on my face all at the same time.

I love you baby girl. 

Minnie the Mouse

You would carry Minnie the Mouse with you everywhere you went. It never failed. you loved her. This is a replica of the one you left at your baby sitters house the week before you left. I had been thinking in the back of my mind a long time about her and how I wanted to get her for my Minnie Mouse collection and someone posted this one on line and I happened to stumble upon her. I hope that your original Minnie gives your sitter a smile when she sees it as much as seeing this one did me. I know as you grow you will begin to like other characters but you will always be my Minnie girl.  It is amazing to me that such a small doll can bring so much comfort. We miss you baby girl. 

Happy Mother's Day Weekend Y. 2014

Progress. Right?

Some days I feel like there is no progress in this walk that your daddy and I are taking. Maybe because there really isn't. I can pretty much speak for the both of us when I say we have come to terms with the way that things are. We may not like them but we have come to terms with them and have learned to live with them. What other choice do we have right? We are no longer the one's calling the shots here and we are well aware of that. Anyway. Today I went to the paint store and bought samples of paint to brighten up the master bath and the wall behind the television. These are small steps to an already big project we started. There are so many things that have changed around here since you have been gone. Your room is no longer pink (it is not like you ever stayed in there anyway). We got a bigger television and new carpet. Another dining room table and some other things. We really took no time after you left before we cleaned out most of your things. Maybe I am going to kick myself in the pants for that later down the line I am not sure yet. There are still some things that are here that belonged to you. I still find some stray toys that went with this or that or a binky that you did not take with you. I smile most of the time when I think about you and what you could be possibly doing at any given time. I know your possibilities are endless. We miss you so much. Then there are days where I just want to sit and cry because we miss you so much. I guess it is called progress all the way around. Right?

Happy 3 years and 3 months Jv. 5/5/2014