Aunt Joy

I wanted to document this day in some way shape form or fashion. Your aunt Joy reached out to me last Saturday. We have not seen her or your sisters since before you left with your mom and dad. She wanted to work on our relationship and make a mends or start fresh whatever the case my be. The girls are not on board with it just yet but in a way I can understand. I seriously think that they are mourning what they wanted and not what they really ever had. They did not get much time with you because of different circumstances but they miss you like crazy. I have given them their time and space at the same time missing out on everything that they have been doing since you left. Maybe one day soon that will change but for right now it is the way things are. One step at a time and one meeting at a time. Can't ask for much more than that. August 22,2015 things started turning around a little bit.

The countdown continues.

Seems like life is just one big countdown these days. I am working 5-6 days a week now and I have to admit I am still not used to being back in the working world as much as I have been lately. Things have been a little difficult at work the past week or so but i am learning to deal with it day by day. I am finding myself in the middle of a battle of wanting to be alone and not have to talk to anyone because I have to be surrounded by people and problems all day long at work. When  I come home I want to just be able to space out and not have to worry about anything. Seems that is causing a lot of neglect on my part of the household stuff that needs to be done around here. It will get done right? I am still not sure how i managed to work and have you and your sisters when you all were here. It seems almost impossible to even think about. How did I manage a whole house work 40+ hours a week and still manage the laundry, dishes, dinners, baths, bedtime stories and then some? I know I had help and I was thankful for it. I wish I had some help now that's for sure. I can't even remember the last time I vacuumed the living room let alone the last time I picked up a dust rag. I guess I need to get with the program. You have been on my mind a lot lately. I miss getting photos and updates. It has been a long time since I have heard anything about what has been going on in your world. I think that is why it is starting to get a little hard for me. We are coming up on the 3 year mark next month and it does not even seem possible. It is hard to believe it has been that long. I hope that then next 13 years fly by or that your parents decided in the next couple years that you are old enough to understand who I am. Maybe they will want to share with you just how special you are in this world and how hard you fought to be here. Maybe one day. Just maybe. Seems to be my only wish these days. I keep thinking that if I wish hard enough it just might happen. A girl can dream can't she?

This year you have turned another year old and so have I. Ages apart but both still wondering the same thing about this world I am sure. As another candle is added to my birthday cake I find myself looking back on the adult portion of my life and wondering if there are things I would have done differently. I found myself saying if I knew then what I know now would I change anything? In some areas of my life the answer is yes but last night as I said this question to your daddy we both agreed you are not something we would have changed. We have learned so much and continue to learn daily about ourselves, about each other and it is thanks to you. We recently celebrated 14 years together and we have come to learn over the past 14 years just how well we know each other. I finish his thought's he finishes my sentences. I don't think I could ask for a better husband in your daddy. I am sure he could ask for a better wife some days. I am moody, irritable and cranky sometimes but he just rolls with it. See why I could not ask for better? Work has been difficult to say the least the past 8 days (I am working an 11 day straight with two doubles back to back). I graduated with my degree in order to make something of myself but at the same time I think I miss just being in school. Co workers are most difficult to deal with sometimes and make the conditions at work less desirable than I would like. It is really only one person. Go figure. I guess there has to be one in every crowd.


Seems that i have been working on this blog post for awhile now so Since I have lost focus on it I am going to go head and publish it.....Will try to focus more on the next one. Seems to be getting away from me these days