Well the days have finally come. I am back on a company payroll. I have been for a week but today I worked my first shift in the actual pharmacy that I am going to be working in at least for the next year if not more. I have really been trying hard to understand my emotions because they have been a whirl wind for sure. It is so weird to come home from work and not have to run bath's, feed a baby or toddler, It is weird to not be a mom per say. I miss it. I took so many things for granted not only with you but all of your siblings as well.
I know I have said it over and over again but it just does not seem like it has been this long since you have been gone. Today it feels even longer to me. 929 days today. We are almost in the quad digits. Wow that is a hard one to swallow.
We are now at 931 days, I started this on Tuesday May 14th and did not get a chance to finish it.
I have been using a handy little thing that Facebook came out with that takes you back into time of the past posts and photo's that you posted from previous years. Your photos come up almost daily.
I must have been a picture posting hound back then. My statuses come up often about the sleepless nights and me practically begging for you to sleep. Man I wish I could take all those posts back. I would love to spend a sleepless night with you now. I feel like when I wrote those posts I failed you as your mommy. The whole time I was looking for sleep and not looking at the brighter side of being up with you all night long. Those were precious times that I will never get back. Times that I will never be able to do again. I am sorry Jv. I should have been more patient. I can see where I went wrong in those times now and I want to kick myself for them. You have taught me so much.
I know with your Daddy D and mom Y that I have not failed you there. You are a bright ray of sunshine and sharp as a tack. I hope that they brighten your world like you do theirs.
Until next time.
MOM.
No comments:
Post a Comment