Benefit of the doubt.

Emailed K tonight to see if they had heard from D and Y and perhaps by a long shot had gotten any photos or updates. My email was simple as follows

Thought I would check in to see if you ever heard from D. I hope his parents are ok. They are in my thoughts. 

This is the response that I got.

Sorry but no.  I will call him again tomorrow 

My next simple response.

I didn't think so Thanks.

I really hate feeling like this. We have 21 days till we hit the two year mark in all of this and then everything becomes uncertain more so than it already has and it is scary. I am not sure if I would have known about all of this that I would have still been ok with our decision. It takes a strong person to walk this walk and I am not so sure I am that person sometimes. I feel weak I want to scream, cry and take it all back but I know I can't. So I have to somehow learn how to live with all of this. I don't want to. I don't want to have to be the person who has to settle for less. Why am I always the one sacrificing? It seem's so unfair sometimes. I only hope that in the very end of all of this that it is all worth it for you in the decisions they are making. I don't want you to grow up and hate them or me. I want them to allow us to be a part of your childhood no matter how small. SOMETHING at this point is better than nothing. I guess I can understand that they are scared but we are too. Have been since day one. Guess that will never change.

I don't hate them at all. I give them every single benefit of the doubt in the world but for who's benefit is it for really?