Return to Hollywood Studios 11/15/2014

Finally got back to Hollywood Studio's today and got to ride some of the rides that we road when you were with us. We even got to do something new tonight. Since the holidays are upon us Osborne light show was going on. This is one thing that we never did get the chance to do while you were with us. I am sure that you saw it plenty of times since you left but for us this was a first. As we walked down the street looking at all the buildings and listening to all the music all I could seem to think was damn I wish it would not have taken so long for us to do this. I wish we would have taken the chance to do this with all of our kids. It truly is something magical and I feel like we missed out on seeing how you would react to all the lights and music you are surrounded by. Of course one thought took my mind all over the board and I ended up having to choke back tears several times in a small time frame.

Everything was beautiful in all of this and they simply put on a great show. This year they have interactive hats that either the Mickey ears dance to the tune of the music or your Minnie Mouse bow does. I am sure that everyone can guess which one I was wearing. lol. Of course I purchased the Minnie Mouse ears with lit bow. this is the first pair of ears I have ever bought and they are very special to me not only because they are Minnie Mouse or they light up but because J bought them for me and they remind me of you. Tonight even your daddy did a 360 when he heard someone say your name. There are tons of children in the crowd with your name I am sure. I asked several times today is there ever going to be a time where I don't look for you in every face of little one's in the crowd. I know deep down we will see you when we least expect it and I am sure neither one of us know how we are going to handle that when the time comes. I would want to approach you and your family but I am sure that is not the right thing to do. last thing I want to do is make them feel uncomfortable in a place that we all love so much. It would be so unfair to you and your brother for them to freak out and leave. I have some fairy tail in my mind of how it would go down and in my mind they accept it all as a meeting of chance and with open arms. Now my head knows better than that and maybe in all actuality the piece of me that wants that more than anything is my heart but I am not sure my heart could handle it. Maybe I am just being protected at this point from more heartbreak. Who knows here I sit at 1:37 in the morning on Sunday just rambling away to you like you are right here. Just like I use to do. Again I fight back the tears that have been creeping up on me at the most inopportune times lately. 

I adopted 3 angels this Christmas and we are almost done with their shopping for the program and I have to say I adopt at least one almost every year but since you have been gone I have wanted to do more. So not only did we adopt them we are also volunteering at the toy drive to help get the gifts distributed to the families as they come in. I am not sure how this is going to make me feel. I have mixed emotions about it and i can only hope that it helps with some of the heartache that I deal with over the holidays and hope that it does not make it worse. I already don't want to be here for any of this but this year we are so I guess I better get use to the idea.  Anyway just some of the things that have been going on in my mind and life lately. One day at a time is still the motto and sometimes the motto is one breath at a time. Most days are better than they are worse.