654 days ago is how long it has been. We have 76 more days until the two year mark. I thought so many different things would have happened at this point in our journey. Never did I prepare myself for the things that have actually happened that we never thought in a million years would. You were with us for 602 days and we were not prepared for those either but they were some of the best days we would ever have without even knowing it at the time. I can't believe that we are coming up on the two year mark. That day holds so many things and yet none of it we really even know at this point. I have been doing my best to choke back emotions I have been having lately and tonight it is not working so well. There have been no recent photo's and every time that happens it gets to me. I know March is really not that long ago but to me it seems like forever.It has been forever since I have blogged to you and I am not sure why. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you or talk about you. Your name still echo's in this house daily. I don't think that will ever change. Your dad and I are proud of you. We are proud of what you taught us and the beautiful little girl that you are.
There have been so many people who have had babies or who are having babies that we know and I find myself in the baby isle of any store these days. Something I could not do when you left. I avoided those isles like the plague. I see things that you had and I become a broken record oh JV had that. I am sure I have become more than annoying to anyone around me.
Adoption is such a mixed bag of emotions. One day you are fine with it the next you don't think you are yet you know you are because you did what was best OR did you? I still don't think that your dad and I have ever doubted our decision but I think sometimes we have a weak moment or a selfish moment and wonder what the heck we were thinking. None of that is going to change anything and we rest in the fact that they are doing exactly what we asked them to do no matter how much it might hurt sometimes. I could not ask for better parents for you. But you know what baby girl? Adoption hurts. It hurts like hell. It is not for the weak of heart. Don't let anyone ever tell you that it is easy they are lying. I never imagined the heartache and pain I would feel from knowing I did what was right for you. How could that hurt so bad? Because We love you. Plain and simple.
I think it is just my dream that you will one day know and understand that. Just a Birth mom's Dream.
No comments:
Post a Comment