2015 almost over already?

It is hard to believe that the year 2015 is coming to a close and 2016 is right around the corner. I am actually looking forward to 2016. Most of the time when the years are rounding out and coming to an end I am no where near happy to see them go. I have to say I really don't feel that way this year at all. I am excited to see what 2016 has to offer. I am almost a year out of school and looking forward to seeing where this career takes me. I know that soon we will be able to move on over to Las Vegas and start on a whole new journey. it is going to be a hard place to say goodbye to because this is the place we brought you home to. This is the place we said see you later at and this is where we have been for such a long time but I am looking forward to this move. I feel pretty good about this next journey. One step at a time. I hope that your year is filled with more love, laughter, and fun than you could ever imagine.

Merry Christmas Miss Jv.

Merry Christmas Miss Jv. I hope that where ever you are this year that you have a wonderful Christmas. I miss you so much but I always know that you are doing well and taken care of. My thoughts wander to you often. I found myself this year not feeling in the Christmas spirit but yet I question why. When I was a child Christmas eve was full of anticipation and wonder and now I just want it to be over with. I have no anticipation or wonder or even happiness for this holiday anymore. Granted every time I think about you it makes me smile. So Minnie Mouse is for you of course. Merry Christmas Baby girl. I love you always.

Sometimes you never know.

So last Friday night (December 4,2015) I was sitting in a theater about to watch the Broadway Show Kinky Boots. I had been waiting for almost 2 years to see this show and it was FINALLY in Tampa. Earlier in the week or maybe it was even Thursday morning I sent a text message to your attorney to see if she had heard anything from your daddy D. Imagine my shock when my phone went off before the sow started and it was a photo of you with Santa. The tears started.s I was in no way shape or form upset I was elated and happy. They were happy tears. I did not expect any type of response as fast I got it. I was on top of the world and still am. It amazes me to see how much you have grown in the past year since the last batch of photos we got. I am on top of the world with that photo. It is one of the last things I see at night when I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning. I could not ask for better. My Christmas is complete. I am one happy momma. I see all the love they have for you in that one photo. I see how happy you are and it makes my heart soar. I am on cloud 9. Merry Christmas baby girl may it be amazing for you. Safe travels to Germany and my thoughts are prayers are always with you.

Until I got that photo on my phone I did not know that I needed it. Sometimes you never know how much you need something until you have got it.

Another Holiday Countdown

Another holiday countdown is well on it's way. On this day next month it is going to be Christmas eve. From what I was written a year ago now you will be spending that time in Germany. I hope that you have a good time. With everything that has been happening in the world lately with terrorist and people killing people just because I am worried about you being over there but I have to rely on your mom and dad who will stop at nothing to keep you safe. My thoughts are always with you all. Thanksgiving is two days away and it is hard to believe we are about to have another year in the books. I feel like I blinked and this year flew by. I am pretty sure I will be sitting here next year at this time saying the exact same thing.
 Happy Thanksgiving baby girl. I hope that you got the wish bone today and it makes all your wishes come true.

Today was the day.

Today was the day that after almost 4 years your sisters decided that they would sit and talk with us. When I got the call a week ago I was told that Aubrey was ready to sit and have a conversation with us but that Taylor was no where near the idea or even entertaining it and I was alright with that. I hurt them when you left because they did not get to say goodbye to you and I have been well aware of that since the beginning. They have made it more than known and I have been very clear that the day you left I lost all three of you. Today I got the chance to apologize to them for the hurt that I caused them and even got the chance to explain to them that I never meant for it to cause them any kind of pain. I got the chance to talk to BOTH of them. I was so shocked when they arrived at the park and there they were. BOTH OF THEM. I have to say that it was wonderful to get to see them and ever more wonderful that we actually got a couple photos together to commemorate the day. They miss you just as much as we do but they know that one day we will all see each other again. I have to believe that and so do they. It has been a year since we have gotten any correspondence about how you are doing or any photos but I expected that. I can only hope that we get something soon. I know they are hoping for the same thing. It was hard for them to hear that you are not in Fl anymore but I know deep down they have to have some sort of understanding of what we did and why we did it. I can only hope that you all do. I wanted to commemorate today by writing just a few short words so that it could be documented and hopefully remembered for a long time to come. Happy November 21st wherever you are.


We miss you.

What is going on?

I am sure over the next few years that there will be many posts such as this one. Over the last couple weeks I have seen more news on people who have killed their children, people killing people and school shootings than I would ever care to see. What kind of world have I brought you and your siblings into? It hardly seems fair that you all have to grow up in a world like this with people who just seem to be loosing it left and right. Where is the compassion for another person? Where is the love for your own child? People are seriously killing their own children and for what? What is the point? There is no freedom when someone does something like that. You go to Jail and most likely you stay there for the rest of your life on lock down because you can't be out in the normal population of the prison because you are known as a child killer. Another thing that is bothering me is what is with people harming another person with their car and then fleeing the scene on the accident only to be found later? People are killing people like this on a daily bases. I swear we are living in a version of hell and I don't like it. I know that your mom Y and dad D are doing everything they know to protect you and your brother but some days I wonder what this world is going to be like when you grown up. When you are old enough to read this. There are things that have happened in our history good and bad that I could not even fathom. The shooting at Columbine high school in Colorado Where so many were killed and injured in 1999. I lost friends in that school massacre. It seems that no matter what is done things like this keep happening. Where is that fair for you all? I know that you are home schooled and I have to say I am ever grateful for it because I would worry constantly about your well being if you were in a public school or any school for that matter. I worry about your siblings all the time because they are in a public school. I can only hope that they are vigilant and pay attention to their surroundings and that nothing bad like any of this happens while they are there. I am not sure where this world is headed but I can only hope that one day we see more good than we do bad. We grow from every experience in life but do we have to have so many hard ones in order to learn the tough stuff? Just more thinking from my over exhausted brain. 

On another note today was a year since I heard anything from the attorney about any sort of photos or correspondence about you. I can only hope that this means that it is getting close to that time again. I am not banking on it as you all are always busy and I am aware of that but some updated photos and maybe a few words on how well you are doing would be wonderful. I think I have been dealing with the silence a little better this year than last year but sometimes it is just pure defining. 

I love you baby girl. I miss you more than words could ever express and I think about you often. 

Until next time. 

3 years September 29,2015

It is very hard for me to believe that we are rounding the corner of another anniversary of your adoption. I cannot believe that the 3 year mark is about to pass. I am forever trying to not be at home or even in town when this time of year comes around as it is hard sometimes to be in the very place where we held you last. This year I am working on the 29th but only a half day. This time next year I will most likely not be in the very place where we held you last so I want to be able to cherish those feelings those memories and even the tears that came with it all. I know that it sounds weird but I feel like once we are gone we are going to forget (granted I am not sure how that will ever be possible.) I feel those feelings quiet often and they are just as strong as they were the day you left. I am able to better control myself than I was back then. But I still feel.

This year I have had a lot more good days than bad. I think it is because I knew what to expect when it came to updates and photos of you. I have not received anything this year to date. While it is hard for me it is what I expected. I have not gotten anything since last November I believe it was. I can only imagine how much you have grown and what a precious little girl you must be. Hard to believe that you are almost 5. Seems like the older I get the quicker the time passes. While in some aspects I think that is a good thing in others I don't think it is. I have come to terms that what they want and what I want is two totally different things but I still stand on the decision I made for you and the decisions that they are making for you. They feel that they are the right ones and I have to respect that. I don't feel anger towards their decisions or hate. I don't feel anything but respect. They are still doing exactly as we asked them to do for you. They are protecting you and making sure that you are growing up with the best of everything. I just know that you are doing wonderful. Thriving and enjoying your life. I could not ask for anything better.

Last night we were sitting on the couch and J put's her hand down the side of the couch (for what reason I have no clue) and she says "Hey there is cereal down there" My response was simply yep. There is still cereal in the side of the couch from when you were here with us. I knew there was a plastic doughnut in there from your play kitchen but I didn't know about the cereal. I think I really need to take the vacuum hose to that this week.

We are looking at being out of the state of Florida this time next year. We looked at a couple places while we were in Nevada but we have not made any longer term commitment to anyone but ourselves that we are making this move. Daddy E got a promotion at work and is now a manager. He worked so hard for this position and has been with the company since before you were born so it was very exciting and important to him at the same time.  I work in the pharmacy at the store I work at and for the most part I love what I do. I just don't think I love where I do it at. I am looking to get out of the retail side of the pharmacy industry and move into either hospital or private. I like my customers for the most part (There are some that are really difficult and rude). So making the transition into private or hospital will be a little rough because I will not have the one on one contact with the patients like I do currently. BUT that is alright. I also have my name in the hat for a position that has nothing to do with the license that I hold but the money is good and so are the benefits. I guess I could not ask for more and I would be dumb if I passed up at least the opportunity to try for it.
So Kiddo that is what is going on in our lives right now. I wonder what is going on in yours. Happy 3 Years with Daddy D and Mommy Y and Brother D. I know they are cherishing you and loving you just as much as we do here. You are missed little lady very much so.

Aunt Joy

I wanted to document this day in some way shape form or fashion. Your aunt Joy reached out to me last Saturday. We have not seen her or your sisters since before you left with your mom and dad. She wanted to work on our relationship and make a mends or start fresh whatever the case my be. The girls are not on board with it just yet but in a way I can understand. I seriously think that they are mourning what they wanted and not what they really ever had. They did not get much time with you because of different circumstances but they miss you like crazy. I have given them their time and space at the same time missing out on everything that they have been doing since you left. Maybe one day soon that will change but for right now it is the way things are. One step at a time and one meeting at a time. Can't ask for much more than that. August 22,2015 things started turning around a little bit.

The countdown continues.

Seems like life is just one big countdown these days. I am working 5-6 days a week now and I have to admit I am still not used to being back in the working world as much as I have been lately. Things have been a little difficult at work the past week or so but i am learning to deal with it day by day. I am finding myself in the middle of a battle of wanting to be alone and not have to talk to anyone because I have to be surrounded by people and problems all day long at work. When  I come home I want to just be able to space out and not have to worry about anything. Seems that is causing a lot of neglect on my part of the household stuff that needs to be done around here. It will get done right? I am still not sure how i managed to work and have you and your sisters when you all were here. It seems almost impossible to even think about. How did I manage a whole house work 40+ hours a week and still manage the laundry, dishes, dinners, baths, bedtime stories and then some? I know I had help and I was thankful for it. I wish I had some help now that's for sure. I can't even remember the last time I vacuumed the living room let alone the last time I picked up a dust rag. I guess I need to get with the program. You have been on my mind a lot lately. I miss getting photos and updates. It has been a long time since I have heard anything about what has been going on in your world. I think that is why it is starting to get a little hard for me. We are coming up on the 3 year mark next month and it does not even seem possible. It is hard to believe it has been that long. I hope that then next 13 years fly by or that your parents decided in the next couple years that you are old enough to understand who I am. Maybe they will want to share with you just how special you are in this world and how hard you fought to be here. Maybe one day. Just maybe. Seems to be my only wish these days. I keep thinking that if I wish hard enough it just might happen. A girl can dream can't she?

This year you have turned another year old and so have I. Ages apart but both still wondering the same thing about this world I am sure. As another candle is added to my birthday cake I find myself looking back on the adult portion of my life and wondering if there are things I would have done differently. I found myself saying if I knew then what I know now would I change anything? In some areas of my life the answer is yes but last night as I said this question to your daddy we both agreed you are not something we would have changed. We have learned so much and continue to learn daily about ourselves, about each other and it is thanks to you. We recently celebrated 14 years together and we have come to learn over the past 14 years just how well we know each other. I finish his thought's he finishes my sentences. I don't think I could ask for a better husband in your daddy. I am sure he could ask for a better wife some days. I am moody, irritable and cranky sometimes but he just rolls with it. See why I could not ask for better? Work has been difficult to say the least the past 8 days (I am working an 11 day straight with two doubles back to back). I graduated with my degree in order to make something of myself but at the same time I think I miss just being in school. Co workers are most difficult to deal with sometimes and make the conditions at work less desirable than I would like. It is really only one person. Go figure. I guess there has to be one in every crowd.


Seems that i have been working on this blog post for awhile now so Since I have lost focus on it I am going to go head and publish it.....Will try to focus more on the next one. Seems to be getting away from me these days

Just thinking.

I was thinking today while I was at work that it has been awhile since I sat down and wrote you. The world is still turning and life is a constant fog these days. Seems like all we do is work and sleep. We have to make time for anything else. I am not sure how we managed to work while we had you and still accomplish the day to day tasks of the house and accomplishing to feed you and us at the same time. But we managed. When I first started this job I was there for a reason I am not so sure anymore. I love what I do don't get me wrong. I just don't think that I am in the right place to do it. I work with people who are 10 years younger than me and then 1 woman who is a good 10+ years older than me that acts like she is 2. I am pretty sure that everywhere you go in the working world there are people like this but what happened to acting like an adult? Here I am writing to you about this and as of today you are 4 years and 5 months old. Crazy that I am pretty sure that you would act more mature and responsible than these people do. I love the customers I love the job just not the people who I do the job with. E and I are looking at making a big move in the next year or so. It is proving a bit difficult for me to be overly excited about it because this is the last place you were with us at. While so much has changed here since you left I still feel your presences here within these 4 walls. I am still finding things that remind me of you all the time. Just recently I found the tiniest sock of purple and white that you wore when you were a newborn. No clue where the other sock is but I have that one. Hopefully it will make it in the move. We are looking at moving across the country and making a fresh start. We have always wanted to move out of Florida and I think this is the time for us to do it. It is a huge step but I think we are both looking forward to a fresh start and a more adult themed life. We Miss you like crazy and it is still hard for me to be around a bunch of children on occasion. The way that some parents treat their children when they are out in public just floors me. A child is whining and or crying or simply saying mom mom mom and the parent ignores him or her. The child simply wants attention simply wants to be heard. Is it really that hard to take a second out of whatever you are doing to tend to your child? I don't think so. I see children starved for attention all the time and I am so thankful that you have the parents that you have because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they take the time with you and they listen and you flourish. I miss you so but I know that you are alright. I hope that you are having the time of your life sailing this summer. Just know that you are loved from afar.

Awareness

I think I came to the conclusion a few days ago of why we don't move.

This is the place we brought you home from the hospital. This is the place you took your first steps. This is the place where we said our see you later's. There are so many memories here that it hurts to be here sometimes but it would hurt to not be here too. So many things are ever changing around here and they will continue to be that way for years to come but the memories will remain. I guess maybe I feel like if we are not here we will not have the memories. Funny how that goes. This is the Facebook status that I shared this morning.
Appears (according to looking back) 5 years ago today I was about to return to Denver on a life changing Journey. Some thing I would do diffident but most I would not otherwise that beautiful little girl would not be a permanent footprint on so many lives. Otherwise even I wonder what the hell I was thinking.

Looking back on all of it I would not change I thing because then you might not be where you are today.

We went to Disney on Ice last night for Frozen and it was harder than I thought it was going to be. In all honesty I did not give it any thought at being hard at all. Don't get me wrong we miss you all the time but with knowing what to expect in terms of photos or communication now it is far easier to deal with (most days) so it never crossed my mind that when the show started I would actually get teary thinking about you and your sisters. I think we were the only adults sitting in the front row with NO children. I think we need to barrow some from someone next time. Who knows maybe by then we can plan something with your mom and dad (Wishful thinking after all a dream is a wish your heart makes) :)

Anyway time for me to get ready for work. It's the weekend. I hope you have a safe one wherever you are. We love you.

Tis The Season......The Season of Graduates.

Tomorrow my cousin's second daughter finishes her last day of High School. She graduates on Monday and I only wish I could be there to see it. Graduation is such an accomplishment in a young adults life. You are on top of the mountain of life on days like this and these days do not come often and you work hard for it. You spend years climbing the mountain to this point only to see what is on the other side. When you get to the top the possibilities are endless and the road vast. You can go anywhere you want to go be anything you want to be. The goal of a parent is to raise a respectful well rounded individual who graduates high school and takes the next venture in their lives as a young adult. It is bitter sweet for parents I am sure. While one side of you is busting at the seams for joy and happiness that you accomplished your goal on the other side you are crushed because you accomplished your goal. This is the selfish side of parenting where we wish for one more day one more moment one something to stand still in the time of the last 18 years. I remember wishing for those one more moments one more times one more anything's after you left. I still find myself doing that sometimes. There is nothing wrong with it but I know that you are happy and well taken care of and you are off to see the world. So happy for my cousin and her daughters. The world is at their finger tips. I miss you guys so much.

Jv you got some great family on this side of it all that love you without even knowing you but know no matter what I miss you so much and only wish you happiness and life.

I have a confession..............

Well the days have finally come. I am back on a company payroll. I have been for a week but today I worked my first shift in the actual pharmacy that I am going to be working in at least for the next year if not more. I have really been trying hard to understand my emotions because they have been a whirl wind for sure. It is so weird to come home from work and not have to run bath's, feed a baby or toddler, It is weird to not be a mom per say. I miss it. I took so many things for granted not only with you but all of your siblings as well.

I know I have said it over and over again but it just does not seem like it has been this long since you have been gone. Today it feels even longer to me. 929 days today. We are almost in the quad digits. Wow that is a hard one to swallow.

We are now at 931 days, I started this on Tuesday May 14th and did not get a chance to finish it.

I have been using a handy little thing that Facebook came out with that takes you back into time of the past posts and photo's that you posted from previous years. Your photos come up almost daily.
 I must have been a picture posting hound back then. My statuses come up often about the sleepless nights and me practically begging for you to sleep. Man I wish I could take all those posts back. I would love to spend a sleepless night with you now. I feel like when I wrote those posts I failed you as your mommy. The whole time I was looking for sleep and not looking at the brighter side of being up with you all night long. Those were precious times that I will never get back. Times that I will never be able to do again. I am sorry Jv. I should have been more patient. I can see where I went wrong in those times now and I want to kick myself for them. You have taught me so much.

I know with your Daddy D and mom Y that I have not failed you there. You are a bright ray of sunshine and sharp as a tack. I hope that they brighten your world like you do theirs.

Until next time.

MOM.

First day of work

Today was the first time I walked into a work place and got paid for what I did. Which was pretty much NOTHING. I sat in a classroom setting for several hours and listened to someone tell me things that I have already known or already done. Then I was told that I get to do them again because when I did them before I did it as an extern and I have to do them now as a employee. OH Goody. I am not thrilled about this at all. IN all honesty I am actually pissed about it. Simply because none of the stuff that I have to do again is different from what I had to do when I did it for my extern position. SO FRUSTRATING. I can't wait for this part of it all to be over with so that I can go to my store do my job and make a difference. I really fell like I am back to square one at not knowing anything that I have already been taught. I spent 180+ hours counting scripts, working with customers, insurance companies etc and I am now being told I have to sit in a classroom setting on Saturday and move skittles and tic tac's around on a counting try and act like they are pills. TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE PLEASE? Someone besides me has to understand how degrading this is to me. I don't normally let things get to me when it comes to work and I don't tend to have to much to say about it or bring it all home from work but this one has me lit up just a little. When I left for work today I could only think about that I didn't have anyone to drop off or pick up from day care when it was over. I did not have that little person to take my focus off of being so frustrated or that little one to do something cute and make me smile or laugh. I miss that. It felt weird. I didn't think at this juncture it could feel weird anymore but it does. This is something that I have not done since you left and today started a new chapter and in all honesty I can't even be happy about it right now.

I am still kicking myself in the butt for not getting an Easter card to add to your box of cards. I will get one but it will be late and I will know it. Will anyone else? Not unless they read the blog but I will know. So it matters. It matters big to me. Should be something so small how can it matter so big?

I hope you had a Happy Easter. I am sure it was filled with many bunny rabbits, egg hunts, and lots of fun.

Until next time. Thanks for letting me vent.

I have worked really hard to be here.

First off I wanted to start this post off by saying that in no way shape or form did I give you away. I gave you a better life. I gave you everything your heart could dream of in the family I chose for you.  I also want to say that in no way shape or form did I give you away to get where I am right now or where I will be in the future. I didn't give you away at all. I keep you close to my heart on the daily bases. Not a day goes by that you are not in my mind or your name is not spoken from my lips. This is the truth for all my kids really and this post is not only for you but for them as well.

                           When I started my journey with Ultimate Medical Academy in 2009 you were not even a thought in my mind (Jv) Your siblings were small and I wanted to go back to school. I got my MBC degree first and moved on to the Pharmacy Degree. I always knew that this was the degree that was meant for me. This was the degree that was going to make me happy and this was the degree that I was going to use.  It would be that moment in time where I could look at myself and be proud because I made it happen. I am finally at that moment. There are many many events that lead to this all being possible and life being the way it is right now and I am not going to sit and talk about all of that. What I am going to talk about is how thankful I am that they happened. Out of every single person who helped me get to where I am today I am forever grateful. I am thankful for the experiences, the friendships, the memories, the words of encouragement and the uplifting when I did not think it was possible and yes I am even thankful for the heartaches. Without all of that I would not be where I am or who I am today. Your placement in my life was for a reason. You gave me something to aspire to. You gave me a reason to be a better person. Every single one of my children gave me that reason but you really emphasized it for me. You taught me that it was alright to not be the perfect person everyone thought you to be. You taught me it was OK to stumble and it was OK to get back up again and regardless of what anyone else thought that it was OK to give up. That is not saying that I gave up on you (Because I did not). Just in life in general.

                 There are many times in all of this I wanted to throw in the towel and quit but I did not. Every time I got to that point I would pick up the book and study harder. I want all my children to know that regardless of the situation and the way life has been that I have aspired to be something and dammit I made it. No reason in the world not to and every reason in the world to do it. Graduation is 4 days away and I just stepped in the door from a 2nd interview with a the pharmacy chain that I did my extern hours with and you know what I think I nailed it. I wrote a speech for graduation and submitted it as I was requested to do but I will not be speaking at graduation so I am going to share it here. To be honest with you I am kinda relieved that I am not going to be speaking because it has been a long time since I have stood in front of a large group of people and addressed them so I was sure to be extra nervous. I already had my almost heart failure for the week by going on Rockin Roller coaster in Hollywood studios yesterday so I am good. 

                                              UMA GRADUATION SPEECH

Good morning UMA graduates, administrators, advisors, staff, family and friends. I am honored to be standing up here speaking to all of you today. When I first started my journey with UMA I never imagined myself giving a speech at my commencement ceremony, I never saw myself actually graduating with a degree that I would want to actually use but here I stand. This is the second time I have graduated from UMA.  I started my journey in 2010 in the medical billing and coding program and I decided when I was done with that degree that I wanted to come back and get my degree in something that I always wanted to do. Now I will receive my Associates of health science Pharmacy Technician and start my career.  Those who helped us get to this day are sitting all around us and should not go unnoticed for the job that they do every single day. We might not have been some of the easiest students to work with at times but you all were there when we needed someone to listen, someone to help or someone to encourage us. I am sure I can say it for the entire graduating class, Thank you.

We each decided to come to Uma for different reasons I know for me I wanted my daughters and my son to know that their mom made a career for herself. I want them to know that nothing is impossible if you put your mind to it. Nothing is impossible if you try hard enough. I wanted my children to see that I made something of myself. I wanted them to know that no matter what your age you can always learn and accomplish something you may have only once dreamed about.  We are all on the verge of the next step of our lives and the possibilities are endless. No matter what your reasons for choosing Uma be proud of yourself for taking that step and sitting where you are today. In the words of one of the greatest children authors Dr. Seuss Oh, the Places You’ll go!  “Congratulations! Today is your day. You’re off to great places. You’re off and away!  You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.  Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you. And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t Stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.”

Thank you and again Congratulations graduates.


I still can't believe that I actually wrote a speech for my own graduation. That I was even approached to write a speech for my graduation. These are the things that I want you all to know are possible. These are the things that despite not being picked to speak are still milestones and honors to have even been considered for. It really is mind blowing to think that I could quiet possibly be walking across that stage on Saturday morning with a job offer already on the table. WHO DOES THAT? These are all possibilities if you work hard enough and put your mind to it from the very beginning. I am so glad that I had the support, drive and determination. No one is going to go out there and do it for you. I am proud to be a graduate and have my degree It is among one of the biggest moments in my life as an adult. The other was being able to say I am your birth mom. This one's for you. You will be in my heart and on my mind as I walk across that stage and I hope that one day when you see this you can look at it and smile and be proud too.

One of the delimas that I had about graduation was what dress I was going to wear. There were three choices and I decided on one finally. Since I wanted you to be part of this day some way shape or form I decided to go with this dress.

It is a red dress (Obviously) from Torrid with Minnie Mouse all over it. Since I know your love for Disney I decided that it was the dress that was most appropriate for my college graduation. Not to mention we all know I am a Minnie Mouse lover and Disney lover as well. It was bound to happen.

 

Coming down to the wire

Today I finished one of the 2 whole days I have left at the pharmacy before I graduate on the 28th of this month. I started this journey right after you left and it is hard to believe that I am almost at the end of it. I never thought I would get this far honestly. I did all of this because of you. Because of your siblings. I want all of my children to know that I did not just sit around and do nothing with my life. I want you all to know that I made something of myself and I got a degree or 2 in the process. I have had very little time to myself since this all started. It is weird. Before I started the extern part of this journey i was alone at home all of the time. Now I can hardly get 5 minutes to myself. Reminds me of attempting to even go to the bathroom alone when you were here. It never happened. I miss those moments. Who ever thought that you could miss a moment like that? there are so many I miss now that I would give anything to get back. I think most people just think that I am crazy.


Update......Finished my extership today. Hard to believe that all 180 hours of this journey are complete. Came home this afternoon and wrote out the essay that needed to be turned in and now all I have to do is walk when Graduation comes around. I have done it. Still hard to believe. This is my second degree since you have been gone and most likely my last but i am happy with that. I am thrilled over this degree and excited to walk for graduation. At least you cannot say that you did not come from college graduates. It might have been after you were with your momma Y and Daddy D. but it still happened.

HAPPY 4TH BIRTHDAY MISS JV.

Happy 4th Birthday Miss Jv. Hard to believe it has only been 4 short years but at the same time I can't believe it has been 4 years already. According to your daddy D you all should be enjoying some skiing or just finished in Colorado. I am sure you are a pro at it by now as you normally master anything you touch. I can only imagine listening to you debate and banter as they say you do day in and day out. I love how they choose to let you debate.  I am sure you would make a great lawyer the way they explain it. To say that I am proud of you does not even begin to explain it. We are so happy to see that you are thriving and that you are happy in your life and with your family. Nothing changes as we still love you and think of you often. I can only imagine what your birthday has in store for you this year. 

Happy Birthday baby girl. We love you and we miss you.  (This should have posted on February 5,2015 automatically but for some reason at automatic update to the blog did not push.)

Happy Valentine's Day Jv.

This post is way beyond late. I am sorry baby girl. I have been so busy with Finishing up school and getting ready for graduation that I have not had time to even think about blogging. I woke up with you on my mind this morning and I just knew that when I got home tonight I needed to sit down and at least get something down for the books.

In the beginning of February I went to Colorado to meet my sister for the very first time. It was such a great time I didn't want to come back. The weather was beautiful. I am sure you had a blast when you were skiing there earlier this year. I took a red eye flight back to Florida so that I could start my extern position on time with the pharmacy that I am hoping to work in after I graduate. I like all the people I work with and currently I am working almost 40 hours a week to get this done for my degree. Every time I think about giving up and not finishing this program I just think of you and that I am doing all of this for you. I want you to know that I made something of myself. I want you to be proud of me. I want all of my children to be proud of me. I can only hope that will happen when the time comes. I wrote my graduation speech and submitted it for review so now I am just waiting to hear if I am going to be speaking at my own graduation or not. I can hardly believe that they even brought my name up as a consideration for graduation let alone get to the speech writing part of it all. Now to only get to the presentation part of it. How wild would that be?  Of course I quoted my favorite Dr. Seuss book in it. So far the feed back has been very positive. Keeping my fingers crossed. I know you had a birthday this month too and all I can say is WOW the time sure is flying by. I can't believe that you are 4 already. Seems that time stood still after you left but at the same time it is flying by just the same. Is that even possible to understand? We miss you so much baby girl but cherish every single correspondence we get from your mom and dad. I look at the photo book they made for me all the time. You are such a beautiful little girl and so full of life that your smile just jumps off the pages. Happy Beated Valentine's day Baby girl. We miss you so.

January 29, 2011

I went looking tonight to see what date it was we closed the show your daddy E was in that week before you were born. How could I forget Unnecessary Farce? You used to love listening to him talk like he was still a Scottish Hit man. The voice seemed to sooth you when you were tiny. We always use to say the night a show would close that we would feel lost without being at the theater for the next weekend with a show to do. You put so much of your time, energy, and efforts into making the show a success and have a good time with it at the same thing that it tends to become a part of you and when you take that part away you feel a little lost. We always joked about what we would do the weekend after the show would close. Little did we know you had that all planned for us. We closed Unnecessary Farce January 29, 2011 and you were born 7 days later on February 5, 2011.  We didn't have to look for what we were going to do. By the Thursday of that following week you already had me on lock down at the hospital. While I was looking back at some of the photos that are on your daddy's Facebook page I forgot how cute they were. I looked at them in a different light tonight. I looked at them the way he saw them when he took them. the captions on each photo made me see he saw the world in your eyes. I wish I would have been able to see it before. I am thankful to see it now. I know he misses you just as much as I do but I also know that your photo album and written update of your accomplishments and activities gave him just as much comfort as it did me. I have been pretty content since that album. I think it is because I know what to expect now. Who know's really. Maybe that is why I have been in such a blog rut as well. Just wanted to commemorate this day in words.

A Opportunity of a lifetime.

First off let me say Happy New Year. It occurs to me that I have not written in a couple weeks. More than a couple weeks truth be told. I have had a bit of a writers block when it comes to blogging to you and the rest of the time been crazy busy finishing up school and getting ready to enter the working world again. I have not worked since before you left. I am excited and scared all at the same time. What if I can't handle working with the public anymore? What if I hate my job? What if I am just not cut out for all of this after working so hard for it in school? What if I fail my National test? All these things run in my head running wild at any given time. Feels good to get them written down for a change.
I still think about you all the time but I am pretty content with the photo's and update that I received right after Thanksgiving. I look at the often and I can picture you in my mind spending 20 minutes giving your daddy D a check up when he sneezes. I hope that all your dreams come true and you are able to accomplish the career of your choice when you are older. I am most certain you will. It is one of the important reasons why we chose Daddy D and mommy Y for you.

I Started this blog on the day I found out about my possibilities for graduation and I never got the chance to finish it until now. More so a writers block than anything. It happens.

Anyway. Graduation. March 29th I will graduate with my second degree since you have left and this degree is the one I want to use. I have maintained all A's in this program with the exception of the one B that rolled over from my Gen ed classes from my first degree. With that being said I have been approached about speaking at my own graduation. I never thought in a million years that they would ask me or tell me they are even considering me for the possibility. So now I am in the running with several other students. I am not sure when I will find out for sure but I will make sure that I write about it for you. I am thinking of using a passage from my favorite book if I get the opportunity. Just to even be considered for it is a huge honor. I wish you were here for me to share it with you.

Other than that not much else is going on. I am working on what might possibly be my job for at least the next year or so in order to get to where I want to be. One of these days we could be working side by side if you continue on the path that you are on at this age. The thought of it makes me smile.

Disney has been a non stop thing for us since we resumed our passes in September of last year. We got around to a lot of the resorts for the holiday displays and to just see what they have to offer at each one. This is something that we did not get to do with you while you were here. I still have not been able to walk on the laugh floor but I am hoping to soon. I am thinking it will be ok but I figure I will know when the time is right. We have gone almost every weekend since we have gotten our passes back except for right around Christmas time because it was just to crazy of a crowd. I still look for you in the crowd when we are walking by people. I think it is something that I will always do I am not sure it will ever just stop. I could be wrong but I doubt it.

Life continues for your daddy E and I and I think we are finding out that we are going to be alright. Ever since I got your last update and photos I have been more content with the way things have been going and the way things are going to be. Maybe one day some of those things will change but for right now it seems to be alright. I don't cry as much these days but every now and then it sneaks up on me and catches me off guard. I seem to smile more these days and I don't feel guilty about it. I know you would want me to be happy and for the most part I am. I am proud of myself in being able to accomplish the degree that I have wanted for so long. Now to pass the National board exam. When I do that I will be home free.

Well until next time. Miss you and Love you.